Pumpkin Pot Pie

Now that pumpkins are officially out of season, I figure this would be the perfect time to post about them. We're not craving Starbucks Pumpkin Spice anymore, but now that you read that, you're kinda thinking about it, right? Like, "wait, am I craving it?" No, you're not. It's almost Easter, you guys. Just enjoy the post and remember it 8 months from now.

Also, this is one of the best recipes ever. And requires minimal dishes.

From what I remember, you'll need:

• 1 carved baking pumpkin
• chopped chicken breast
• corn
• chopped celery
• peas
• 1 can cream of broccoli or potato
• lots of melting cheese
• season to taste

We sprinkled cinnamon, salt and pepper in the inside of the carved pumpkin then filled it with all the goodies. Baked it at probably 350 for an hour or so. The pumpkin and the chicken need to fully cook. When it's done, the pumpkin won't be as sturdy as it was when it went in. That's a good thing, just be careful.

Enjoy!

Pumpkin Pie

Pumpkin pie is probably the easiest of all the pies to make not including a whipped cream pie. If you can't slice it, it's not a pie. This is a pie you can make "from scratch" as in it doesn't start frozen.  And if you must use canned pumpkin, I think there is only one more ingredient: condensed milk. But if you must used canned, you might as well spice it up a bit, literally. When I made this, I always add either pumpkin pie spices (not redundant), cinnamon, or apple pie spices. 

All of these things also make great coffee additives.  

*Sorry the post is so boring. I should have waited on this one, but I've gone too far. 

Fake Chicken Salad

I'm still on the salad kick, so here's another super simple salad recipe.

And it's not fake chicken, or chicken salad, it's a fake salad with chicken. Now that that's clear, let's talk about chicken salad:

1. Chicken Salad it's not salad, it's a sandwich filling. You don't call peanut butter, "peanut butter salad". You know why? Because it doesn't make any sense, that's why. And 2. it has mayonnaise in it... What kind of salad is that? A gaining weight salad? BURRRRRRRNNing calories is what you'll need to do after you eat chicken salad.


I feel very strongly about this.


THIS salad on the other hand, is a salad with chicken on it. And it's fake because I bought frozen chicken, heated it in the oven and put it on top of lettuce, tomato and avocado with a balsamic vinaigrette on top. And while technically, this is a salad.


Oh, shut up.

"Winter" "Salad"

First off, let me start by saying it's "winter" here in LA. And I use the digital representation of air quotes  because the low is about 50 degrees. But nonetheless, after overeating during the holidays, it's nice to have a good salady salad.

But let's not cut good food out cold turkey. This "Winter" "Salad" is the perfect salad to ease you in from heavy eating to eating like you live in LA again. It looks like a taco salad, but don't be fooled, it is a taco salad- the most filling salad there is. And it's the second most caloric salad next to the dreaded candy bowl salad.

"Winter" "Salad"

• Lettuce
• Taco Seasoned Ground Beef
• Diced Tomato
• Corn
• Green Olives
• Red Onion
• Cheese
• Avocado
• Salsa instead of dressing

Honey Butter Chicken Biscuits

If you like Whataburger but don't live within a spit's chance in the Grand Canyon, here's your solution:


 The Homemade Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit.

The Pillsbury Dough Boy, I believe, is misleadingly fat. Although he does sell exclusively carbs, many of those being cookies, I believe anything is okay in moderation. Except donuts. Those are never okay, guys. Come on. But take those honey butter fluffy layer biscuits and hold on. Don't bake them yet. Take the frozen chicken you have in the freezer and put a few in the oven for about 5 minutes. Obviously you've preheated the oven cause you're not a dumb ass. Then carefully tear the biscuits almost all the way in half and put some chicken in them and continue to bake until the biscuits are golden brown. Do some simple math to make sure the chicken cooks all the way.

Then! They're almost ready to eat.  You can add butter and honey. You can dip them in sugar-free ketchup. You can taunt your office-mates. I don't really care. Just go eat them.

Holiday Carrots

Welcome back, me!

I haven't posted in a long time, but expect updates more regularly! And this time, with less sugar. Remember: I don't use recipes, season to taste, and don't be stupid.

Holiday Carrots

• As many carrots as you want to eat
• Some Butter
• Some Rosemary
• Some Brown Sugar
• Some Cayenne Pepper
• Some S&P
• Some Pecans
• Some Water
  
  
   Don't cook the carrots this way. This way takes about an hour for the carrots to get soft. Use a real steamer and it will take 10 to 20 minutes. 
  
  
  This recipe seems pretty obvious to me, but if you are hesitant, here's some more information that may or may not be of use to you. Use a small amount of olive oil in the pan if it's a habit.  I added a bit of water to try and mimic a steamer, it didn't work, but it did help cook the carrots more evenly. Then I added the rest of the ingredients. Don't get carried away with the salt, cayenne or brown sugar. When they're soft, they're done- if that's the way you like them, clearly you can take them off the stove whenever. I've heard that carrots that grow in the winter are sweeter, keep that in mind.
  
  K, Be healthy. Happy cooking!
  

Sushi Sandwiches Sans Rice

Everybody loves sushi. Everybody. Even if you think you don't, you are either being a wussy or not eating the right sushi. But some of us aren't supposed to eat rice anymore because of the imposing threat of type 2 diabetes. Not super serious, but still a bummer.

Anyways, enough sob story. There are plenty of delicious foods to be made quickly, cheaply and most importantly, yummy.

I call these babies Sushi Sandwiches Sans Rice, as implied by the title. It is cucumbers, cream cheese and soy sauce. No rice. And there is no fish either because I don't have any, but otherwise that'd be pretty delicious too.

But that's it. Super simple. Really good. It'll make you look smart too. Trust me.

Canned Salad

Ya, I know how it sounds, but it has vinegar. Vinegar is the new chocolate syrup, every body has just got to have it.

This is a 3-Bean Salad with Herb Goat Cheese crumbles on top.

The picture is blurry because I literally couldn't wait another three seconds for my phone to focus.

I bought the bean salad at the grocery store in the canned bean isle. It is in a can called "Three Bean Salad" by Green Giant. It contains green beans, wax beans (not like the kind at the museum), dark red kidney beans, cider vinegar, bell peppers, normal vinegar and dried onions.

Goat cheese doesn't go well with everything (although it would appear otherwise looking through my blog), you can't go wrong with eggs, and apparently, you can't go wrong with beans either.

Serve chilled.

Chips and Dip Revised

Yummy Yumzone. If Mexico ever had a baby with Whole Foods, this is what would happen:

Check out this funky new twist on chips and dip! (I feel like I have to write cheesy as you'll notice there is no cheese on this plate.)

Plate Translation:

Broiled Bell Peppers= Chips

Texas Baked Beans or something= Refried beans

Avocado= Avocado

Plain Greek Yogurt= Sour cream

Put that "chip" in your mouth and chew it.

Micro Wave of the Future

So yes, "I" lost the cord to my Fat Camera so I'm relying on my Fancy Phone to supply my pictures.

In the mornings:

It is much faster to microwave breakfast.

It is much healthier to eat vegetables.

It is much easier to only use (hence: clean) one dish.

May I present to you, microwave eggs.

Microwave the mushrooms first, cause they take longer to cook. Add some spinach, microwave, beat and add eggs (pepper and a splash of milk optional). Microwave. Add goat cheese or cheddar if you love yourself.

Time estimates- everybody likes things cooked differently.

Mushrooms: 30

Spinach: 30

Eggs: 50

eggs: 30

hard chz: 10

soft chz: 0

Don't forget to stir occasionally.

Sad and Tragic Day. Did I mention Delicious?!

Okay. So life is funny, and also reads my blog. Probably how he stays so ironic. Anyways. A few months back... riiiiight around the time I stopped posting, I found out I am hyperglycemic, so basically simple sugars in my body (carbs and sugar, AKA: half of my diet) don't break down like they should, and just chill in my veins like a week long tubing fest making me abnormally tired. Constantly.

So I've been advised, by a medical doctor, to cut way back ("eliminate") simple sugars out of my diet or I could catch the diabetes.

SO this is my last (disclaimer: this sentence might not be true) post containing carbohydrates. I found these images in my "blog pics" folder and keyboard is soaked from drool already.

Croissant

Tomatoes

Fresh mozerella

Olive oil

Basil

(S&P to taste)

"Healthier" posts to follow. I have a lot of pics to share. I hope you all are hungry.

Hot Jesus Tabouli

Wow. Congratulations to myself for this creation.

Tabouli on lettuce

Pinto beans in red chili sauce

Cheese on top

It is kind of like a Frito pie, with the lettuce for a crunch. The citrus of the tabouli goes well with the spice of the bean sauce.

I'd definitely make this again on a day where I have a few spare hours (tabouli has to sit for an hour apparently), or on a day where like, the president comes over for dinner.

Sweet Tortilla wRap

Hot Mami,

Baby chickadee,

Got you rolled up on a plate just for me.

Any more sugar and you'd be-

an IV-

of liquid sucrose.

A trip.

A honey drip.

Dripin' all over the plate. Place.

Making a mess in the kitchen- on your chin and face.

It's bananas, things gettin' crazy,

Split and meant to share but you's kinda lazy.

Your stomachs kinda full. Blood sugar rising,

now try to sit and work all day advertising.

Soup or Liquid Salad?

So... an interesting fact about broccoli and cauliflower is that they almost completely dissolve in cream of potato soup. Add some milk or water to thin it out and poof- amazing. That is at least a week's worth of vegetables in one bowl. Okay, maybe a day's worth, but it is easy enough to do everyday, and tastes good enough to want more. The "X" shaped garnish on top (tomato slices) add nothing to this dish. I suggest leaving them off, but I wanted to brighten up the bowl of porridge looking mush, err, soup.

Another Cheap Pizza

Cheap frozen pizza + sliced tomatoes + real mozzarella+ super diced basil + drizzled olive oil = A stretchedpastitslimits stomach

A Simple Banana Split.

Oh ya... except the ice cream.

Health in yo face!

Choco Drank

Adult chocolate milk + whipped cream

It's Shake and Bake, and I helped myself to the whole thing.

Delish and oh so easy! If you aren't baking chicken, you aren't eating baked chicken. This particular day i decided to batter it which means to cake it in flour, roll it around in a raw egg then cover that with "Italian bread crumbs"- the kind you buy in the store. 350 degrees, 15 minutes flip over 15 more minutes. you can do a few min less if you wish. Obviously you can bake a few minutes longer, but I only recommend this if you like dry and possibly burned food.

Topped with Marinara sauce and Parm cheese. Incredible.

QuasiMexiPantry Sandwich

Wowwow wee wow. Hippie Burger.

A faded childhood memory mixed with pinch of dicing, a hint of slicing, and a dash of imagination.

This is a totally groovy-tastic burger. The beef patty is mixed with chopped walnuts and onions. Hell ya, right there in the beef. But, it is also stuffed with spinach and Australian Cheddar like the inside of a pot pie.

>( > ' )

Fish (beer batter-frozen). Lemon (mother nature). Pasta (olive oil, basil, parm).

classy. light. good.

Vegetarian Cotton Candy... Err Chocolate Salami

I've gotta admit, it tastes better when you are in Italy, it is still pretty good. It's gotta be the air quality or something; really, there is no other explanation. When I tell people this is vegetarian salami, it freaks people out, but it is. I mean, there is no meat in it, like vegetarian cotton candy. The CS is basically dark chocolate, tea biscuits, egg, sugar and a tiny bit of rum. When sliced, it resembles salami a bit more than it does in this picture.

Green Eggs and Can

Goat cheese and spinach are fantastic friends. They go everywhere together. They laugh together, cry together, and even get old together. One of their favorite things to do is getting hot and heavy with two scrambled eggs.

Spinach Spanish Burger

Did I do that?

Let truth be told, you don't need a recipe to bread and bake chicken.

First, I hit the chicken breast a few times with a meat tenderizer, mostly because it was available. Then, I mixed up some bread crumbs, flour, and egg, tossed the chicken in it and put it in a pan over olive oil. And because that wasn't perfect, I topped it with flour and bread crumbs again before putting it in the oven.

I'll be the first person to tell you, this was amazing. I'm very picky about chicken and hardly order it when I'm out because it tends to be dry, but I did something right. Something so right. I'm not trying to say I'm an amazing cook, but Einstein did say that coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous. As you can see by the picture, I paired it with spaghetti. Blah blah blah.

MacCheeVeggFish

If you ever thought mac and cheese out of box was unhealthy, you have never been so wrong!

Can-You-Be-Lazier-Casserole?

There are two ways to do this: the easy way and the easy way.

The easy way:

Heat up some frozen chicken nuggets and mix with a bag of heated up cheesy rice broccoli. Then eat it.

The easy way:

Bread and bake chicken. Make rice. Steam broccoli. Mix all cooked ingredients together and add cheese. Mix and eat.

Brain Food

Protein! It's called protein. This particular hunk of protein is 100% American Beef (probably). Protein is the most important part of a daily diet because it helps you think. Not only does it build your muscles strong, but it builds your brain strong! The stronger the brain, the more brain power one can produce, and the more brain power one produces, the smarter you are.

* I have done absolutely no research to back up my claims, but I'm pretty sure if I did, I'd have to edit this post down to only this disclaimer.

Honey, You've Got Some Nice Peaches

Sometimes inspiration will strike you in a funny place, like a sweet tooth.

You Dip, I Dip, We Dip

Cucumber Sandwich

Sometimes you want what you can have.

Fruit Wrapped and Pierced to Meat

1 Part Egg 9 Parts Delicious

Sam'mores

It isn't a S'more, it is a Sam'more, hence the correct spelling of the title. Replace the graham crackers that tend to break when you are trying to split them in two with chocolate chip cookies and kablam. Delicious campfire/stove top treats.

Awe'shoom

Step One: Put a bunch of things like spinach, diced tomatoes, diced onions, cherry tomatoes, feta cheese, and spices on top of a really big mushroom.

Step Two: Bake until you feel like it's done, for me it was about 10-15 minutes.

Step Three: Eat with an audience.

Texas-Sized Birthday Slice