bruSKEtta

A common misconception about bruschetta is that is pronounced bruschetta. It isn't. It is pronounced brew-sk-etta. Unfortunately, if you say that anywhere in America, for instance, in an Italian restaurant, you'll sound either stupid or pompous. So, I guess, forget my whole point. But don't forget the olive oil and fresh basil, they really pull the whole dish together.

More egg noddle prob with sauce or something in it

Soup Noodle Cheese

Bagels of Champions

I'm not even. I can't eve. The. All of. The best. It's so.

There aren't even words, there are only feelings. Feelings of waking up, and refreshment, and nostalgia, and adventure, and satiation, and flavor. All in a breakfast. Either, or, and. It doesn't matter.

Peanut Butter and Banana.

Cream Cheese, Avocado and Cucumber.

Protein Protein

Carbs for lunch, protein for dinner; not a bad rule to live by and you don't have to cut down on any of your favorite foods. For dinner the other night, I really wanted a hamburger, but didn't want it between slices of bread. And then I decided I'd rather not have carbohydrates than have carbs that late at night, so I thought, what the hell, why not add another protein on top of my lean meat to not only make my meal taste that much better, but it made it so much prettier!

Cook the patty, then crack an egg in the pan and wait until it isn't gooey anymore.

Stack patty, cheese (of your choice!) then the carefully, the egg.

Don't Eat This

Don't eat this unless you actually like Tofurkey, Kiel-balsa, and Tofurkey Kiel-balsa.

I made this dish full well knowing that I don't like Tofurkey, sausage, or Kiel-balsa, but you know what they say, two wrongs make a right, so I decided to try it. I microwaved the fake sausage for longer than recommended in an attempt to nuke the flavor out- but unfortunately it didn't work. Even the texture stayed the same, damn technology. Next, I wrapped it in flavor-masking Havarti cheese and wrapped it again in a layer of (real) deli turkey meat and heated it again so the whole link would be warm. When it was done I took a picture and prepared myself for the first bite. I though, who knows, maybe I'll surprise myself and enjoy this. Nope. It was gross. Lucky for the food I was already running late to work and forced myself to shove half of it down my throat leaving only one half of it to spend its remaining years in a trash can.

Not Cake Pie

It is kind of like a cake, but not. It is pie, and also as easy as pie.

It is kind of like a dessert, but not totally horrible for you. So it can't be a dessert.

Not all pies are desserts. Chicken pot pie. Pizza pie. Meat pies. Pie charts.

Not Cake Pie- A warm, tart fruit center baked into dessert cheese and dough*

Crustless bread, spread cream cheese on both insides, add fresh berries, sprinkle brown-sugar on the fruit, and maybe honey, I can't remember if I did or not. Smooch the bread together like a empanada, and bake it until the bread becomes toasted. Easy bake pie.

*Bread is dough. But not all dough is bread.

Mega Win Sandwich

If you have only a few random leftovers, like I have, and are really hungry, no fear.

For lunch make a little too much spaghetti and tomato pasta sauce. Easy, simple, and delicious. Store the leftovers in the fridge. For dinner you can make a Mega Win Sandwich.

I was working on homework, and putting off dinner for a few hours because I was concentrating and didn't want to take more than 10 minutes out of my work to make dinner, then it hit me. I had an Ah Ha moment. An idea for a fabulous new sandwich.

Two pieces of bread, smear cream cheese on one and add slices of cucumbers to it. On the other piece of bread, add a slice of turkey and the heated up left over spaghetti. Smooch those pieces together and BOOM. Genius sandwich. Seriously, it tastes amazing. For sure.

Speedy Savory Snack

You are late? Oh my gosh! And you haven't eaten? Hurry, read this.

Slice a tomato into a couple thick slices.

Smear Philadelphia Cream Cheese over the tops of the slices.

Get the jar of pesto out that I'm sure you own because you make all of my recipes... and spread on top of the cream cheese.

You are done! Slap those on a plate and get to where ever you are going.

P-Pizza

Remember that really cheap Totino's Party (pepperoni) Pizza that was is so delicious? Try throwing some pineapple slices or chunks, whichever, on the pizza before baking it. If you have green bell peppers available, slices those babies up and put them on pre-bake also.

Pineapple Pizza adds juicy, sweet pineapples with salty, crispy pepperoni creating the perfect combination of textures and flavors. The more ways a person can alter a simple pepperoni pizza, the... less you'll get bored with cooking... more exciting your diet will be... easier it will be to branch off and try new combinations... more whoever you are feeding will appreciate it.

You are a Compost Pile

If you read my recipe on Pepper Pods you may be thinking, "okay, but if I buy a can of olives, can of black beans and a tub of sour cream, what do I do with the rest of it? Surely I wouldn't use all of both in one meal." No worries. Put it in some Tupperware for later. Or eat it now.

Bean Bowl Pod- Warm black beans mixed with ripe olives, tomatoes, avocado slices, sour cream and shredded cheese sprinkled on top.

This is a leftovers dish that doesn't require reheating, only heating. Essentially everything that was left over when making Pepper Pods is reused here, only a few new things are added. There is almost no wrong way to make this meal, use the proportions of ingredients you want, but make sure to heat the beans up until they are at least warm.

Pesto Mac and Cheese

So yummy! Incase you recently made my other pesto dish and are thinking, "hey, what am I supposed to do with this left over pesto?" Or, "I would really like to make the pesto pasta, but what will I do with the left over pesto?" Problem solved. Put it in mac and cheese, duh. You don't have to make it from scratch or anything fancy, the box stuff will work fine. When it is prepared, and still in the pot, add in about two spoonfuls of the pesto and stir throughly.

It is a little fancy, and a lot not everyday. Put it with some (frozen then microwaved) broccoli and you have yourself a relatively healthy, and quick meal. Healthy as in, it could be way worse. And it is inexpensive, did I mention that?

Bell Pepper Pods

Healthy, cheap and fancy.

I love to cook healthy, cheap, delicious meals. And I also like encouraging people to eat healthy. It isn't as expensive as one might think. It can also be like, super delish.

For dinner tonight, I got my anti-vegetable roommate to eat count 'em, two vegetables.

A simple recipe, cut bell peppers along the ridges to create little pods, or bowl shapes. Microwave peppers for a minute or two until soft. Brown ground turkey. I used two large bell peppers and

a half pound of ground turkey. Fill the pods with turkey and add black beans, black olives, and diced tomato. Top with cheese and bake in the oven (roughly 300 deg. if you care) until the cheese is melted.

To make this even better than it already is, feel free to add avocado, sour cream, salsa, or whatever you may have lying around that you think would taste good with it.

Cinnamon Water

What can I say about Cinnamon water? Not much. I mean every time I think about it I immediately have the urge to go drink some, which makes it difficult to talk. It is a great way to get somebody who "doesn't like water" to drink more water. It tastes totally different than your average plain water, and it is a snap to make.

Put a cinnamon stick in water.

Boom! That's it! To save money, you can put a stick in a pitcher of water and refill the water as needed. When the water starts to loose its soothing cinnamon taste, replace the stick.

Tofu? or Tomany?

I am a meat lover contrary to my many vegetarian recipes. But I am not a hater. I like to have a little something for everyone. I always like trying new things, so when I saw Tofurkey Kielbalsa at the store, I decided to try it. Turns out I don't like it. I don't really like real sausage either, so I'm not exactly sure what my thought process was at the time. But some people do. So maybe they'll like this meal. It is pretty self-explanatory. But if you don't want to move your eyes to the picture, tomato and cucumber slices accompany the fake sausage over bread with green beans on the side.

Committed to Memory

This is a sandwich. It came to me through a dream three years ago and has stayed with me ever since. This sandwich is the apex of inexpensive and healthy food that tastes exactly how a sandwich was meant to taste, excluding the classic PB&J.
The bottom piece of bread had fresh avocado spread evenly on it, and the top has either cream cheese or hummus depending on mood and availability. In the middle are slices of cucumber, tomato, cheese (can vary, but here Havarti is shown), and deli meat. The sandwich combines the rich flavor of cream cheese and the sweet flavor of tomato. The fruit/vegetables/whatever they are play a vital role in the sandwich. They create the texture. The crunch and the juice. The perfect sandwich.

Egg. Just Egg.

It is a simple dish really. Simple in preparation and simple complexity.

Maybe it is your worker's lunch. Pasta and egg that is.

It was a surprise the first time I heard about it. Probably some recipe from ages ago thats been passed down from the poor to the penny-less. Cheap as rain in May is what my buddy said. All it is is boiling water with salt and olive oil. Add pasta and cook until it is tender. Strain it and put it back in the same hot pan. Make sure the heat is still on.

Put a dab more olive oil in so the egg doesn't burn.

I know, I generally top my pasta with sauce too. Putting egg on pasta is like putting steak on pancakes. They are two meals you generally don't eat together.

Right after you strain the pasta and put it back, crack an egg or two directly on the pasta. Stir it around like you would scramble it normally. Cook it until the egg is as runny or dry as you like.

I like to top it with parmesan, but I suppose pepper would be acceptable too.

Paula Dean's Broken Heart

All this talk about fat and no body is doing a damn thing about it. Grease, oil, fat, cream, sugar, lard, butter. Butter? Why even use it? I mean, it tastes good, I guess. But it isn't necessary. I think if you are using butter, at least using a lot of it, it means whatever you cooked's flavor needs to be masked by butter. Or you cooked it without flavor entirely. People are lazy if you haven't noticed. And no offense Paula Dean, but butter is completely unnecessary as a flavor, a cooking tool sure, it will brown and crisp your bread faster but not much more. I think I'm making my point here.

Alternatives are a smart man's gold. Gold that won't make you fat. When baking (especially cookies), apple sauce, zucchini and avocados are all great butter substitutes. I personally have the most experience with avocados. They are the most delicious pre-baking. Before attempting a cookie recipe, please research the ratio of your substitute. Avocado is 1:1, or you replace the butter with the same amount of avocado (1 cup of butter=1 cup avocado). Do everything else as normal.

Butter makes cookies flatten and spread out when baking, then crumble afterwards, but avocados have a different texture, they will bake fluffy and exactly how you put them on the baking sheet. Also, the cookies will be a more cookie/cake like texture. They are softer and don't crumble.

The avocado flavor bakes out for all you scaredy cats, but the cookies will be tinted green.

(I wish I hadn't forgotten to take a cleaner picture- there was a sticking to the baking sheet problem.)

Vermicelli Vita

The rocks of salt dance in the water as the water heats and begins to boil. The trapped bubbles of air rush to the surface and burst. The water was angry. A splash of olive oil hits the water and quickly disburses rabidly moving but not sure where to go. Dry vermicelli noodles wade in the water until they become so limp they can sit no longer. The vermicelli breathe in the water and breathe out the water becoming completely absorbed by it. Drain and replace.

The delicate swirls of pasta glisten in the copper pot as the olive oil is delicately poured over the top. Not so much that the pasta becomes wet, but enough to allow them to freely slide when moved. Roughly two table spoons of water swim around the oil and wait to be absorbed by the large spoonful of pesto. The serving fork briskly tosses the noodles onto themselves repeatedly to make sure once eaten that every bite will be as good as the last.

The pasta is tipped out from the pot and onto a large white bowl. The bowl doesn't expect to be so full as two fluffy and warm Hawaiian rolls join the arrangement. Parmesan cheese snows atop the course and bliss settles in the air.

Gourmet Dining for $1.55

Impress yourself. Not because you are worth it, whatever that means. Not because you were on your feet at work for nine hours today. And definitely not because you want to impress anybody else. Tricking other people is cruel. Tricking yourself is clever.

People are funny that way. Facing reality and all. People think that because they can't afford something they can't have it. I'm not saying to go out and steal Air Jordans, but there are ways around it. Fake it until you make it. You like Coach? Shop at Ross. You like gourmet food? Buy low sell high.

Impress yourself. You would be surprised at how gullible you are. A simple Totino's Party Pizza, a few slices of fresh, plump tomato, a fresh basil leaf and a drizzle of olive oil are all you need for a night of fine dining on your familiar lumpy living room couch. And an oven, you need an oven too. And you need about 15 min. prep time. But that isn't asking a lot.

People are funny that way. Laying out tomato slices, putting basil on them like you know what you are doing, and pouring olive oil over the whole pie more delicately than you would shower a baby because the good stuff is expensive. College is expensive. Trick yourself and thank me.