Not Cake Pie

It is kind of like a cake, but not. It is pie, and also as easy as pie.

It is kind of like a dessert, but not totally horrible for you. So it can't be a dessert.

Not all pies are desserts. Chicken pot pie. Pizza pie. Meat pies. Pie charts.

Not Cake Pie- A warm, tart fruit center baked into dessert cheese and dough*

Crustless bread, spread cream cheese on both insides, add fresh berries, sprinkle brown-sugar on the fruit, and maybe honey, I can't remember if I did or not. Smooch the bread together like a empanada, and bake it until the bread becomes toasted. Easy bake pie.

*Bread is dough. But not all dough is bread.

Mega Win Sandwich

If you have only a few random leftovers, like I have, and are really hungry, no fear.

For lunch make a little too much spaghetti and tomato pasta sauce. Easy, simple, and delicious. Store the leftovers in the fridge. For dinner you can make a Mega Win Sandwich.

I was working on homework, and putting off dinner for a few hours because I was concentrating and didn't want to take more than 10 minutes out of my work to make dinner, then it hit me. I had an Ah Ha moment. An idea for a fabulous new sandwich.

Two pieces of bread, smear cream cheese on one and add slices of cucumbers to it. On the other piece of bread, add a slice of turkey and the heated up left over spaghetti. Smooch those pieces together and BOOM. Genius sandwich. Seriously, it tastes amazing. For sure.

Speedy Savory Snack

You are late? Oh my gosh! And you haven't eaten? Hurry, read this.

Slice a tomato into a couple thick slices.

Smear Philadelphia Cream Cheese over the tops of the slices.

Get the jar of pesto out that I'm sure you own because you make all of my recipes... and spread on top of the cream cheese.

You are done! Slap those on a plate and get to where ever you are going.

P-Pizza

Remember that really cheap Totino's Party (pepperoni) Pizza that was is so delicious? Try throwing some pineapple slices or chunks, whichever, on the pizza before baking it. If you have green bell peppers available, slices those babies up and put them on pre-bake also.

Pineapple Pizza adds juicy, sweet pineapples with salty, crispy pepperoni creating the perfect combination of textures and flavors. The more ways a person can alter a simple pepperoni pizza, the... less you'll get bored with cooking... more exciting your diet will be... easier it will be to branch off and try new combinations... more whoever you are feeding will appreciate it.

You are a Compost Pile

If you read my recipe on Pepper Pods you may be thinking, "okay, but if I buy a can of olives, can of black beans and a tub of sour cream, what do I do with the rest of it? Surely I wouldn't use all of both in one meal." No worries. Put it in some Tupperware for later. Or eat it now.

Bean Bowl Pod- Warm black beans mixed with ripe olives, tomatoes, avocado slices, sour cream and shredded cheese sprinkled on top.

This is a leftovers dish that doesn't require reheating, only heating. Essentially everything that was left over when making Pepper Pods is reused here, only a few new things are added. There is almost no wrong way to make this meal, use the proportions of ingredients you want, but make sure to heat the beans up until they are at least warm.

Pesto Mac and Cheese

So yummy! Incase you recently made my other pesto dish and are thinking, "hey, what am I supposed to do with this left over pesto?" Or, "I would really like to make the pesto pasta, but what will I do with the left over pesto?" Problem solved. Put it in mac and cheese, duh. You don't have to make it from scratch or anything fancy, the box stuff will work fine. When it is prepared, and still in the pot, add in about two spoonfuls of the pesto and stir throughly.

It is a little fancy, and a lot not everyday. Put it with some (frozen then microwaved) broccoli and you have yourself a relatively healthy, and quick meal. Healthy as in, it could be way worse. And it is inexpensive, did I mention that?

Bell Pepper Pods

Healthy, cheap and fancy.

I love to cook healthy, cheap, delicious meals. And I also like encouraging people to eat healthy. It isn't as expensive as one might think. It can also be like, super delish.

For dinner tonight, I got my anti-vegetable roommate to eat count 'em, two vegetables.

A simple recipe, cut bell peppers along the ridges to create little pods, or bowl shapes. Microwave peppers for a minute or two until soft. Brown ground turkey. I used two large bell peppers and

a half pound of ground turkey. Fill the pods with turkey and add black beans, black olives, and diced tomato. Top with cheese and bake in the oven (roughly 300 deg. if you care) until the cheese is melted.

To make this even better than it already is, feel free to add avocado, sour cream, salsa, or whatever you may have lying around that you think would taste good with it.

Cinnamon Water

What can I say about Cinnamon water? Not much. I mean every time I think about it I immediately have the urge to go drink some, which makes it difficult to talk. It is a great way to get somebody who "doesn't like water" to drink more water. It tastes totally different than your average plain water, and it is a snap to make.

Put a cinnamon stick in water.

Boom! That's it! To save money, you can put a stick in a pitcher of water and refill the water as needed. When the water starts to loose its soothing cinnamon taste, replace the stick.

Tofu? or Tomany?

I am a meat lover contrary to my many vegetarian recipes. But I am not a hater. I like to have a little something for everyone. I always like trying new things, so when I saw Tofurkey Kielbalsa at the store, I decided to try it. Turns out I don't like it. I don't really like real sausage either, so I'm not exactly sure what my thought process was at the time. But some people do. So maybe they'll like this meal. It is pretty self-explanatory. But if you don't want to move your eyes to the picture, tomato and cucumber slices accompany the fake sausage over bread with green beans on the side.

Committed to Memory

This is a sandwich. It came to me through a dream three years ago and has stayed with me ever since. This sandwich is the apex of inexpensive and healthy food that tastes exactly how a sandwich was meant to taste, excluding the classic PB&J.
The bottom piece of bread had fresh avocado spread evenly on it, and the top has either cream cheese or hummus depending on mood and availability. In the middle are slices of cucumber, tomato, cheese (can vary, but here Havarti is shown), and deli meat. The sandwich combines the rich flavor of cream cheese and the sweet flavor of tomato. The fruit/vegetables/whatever they are play a vital role in the sandwich. They create the texture. The crunch and the juice. The perfect sandwich.

Egg. Just Egg.

It is a simple dish really. Simple in preparation and simple complexity.

Maybe it is your worker's lunch. Pasta and egg that is.

It was a surprise the first time I heard about it. Probably some recipe from ages ago thats been passed down from the poor to the penny-less. Cheap as rain in May is what my buddy said. All it is is boiling water with salt and olive oil. Add pasta and cook until it is tender. Strain it and put it back in the same hot pan. Make sure the heat is still on.

Put a dab more olive oil in so the egg doesn't burn.

I know, I generally top my pasta with sauce too. Putting egg on pasta is like putting steak on pancakes. They are two meals you generally don't eat together.

Right after you strain the pasta and put it back, crack an egg or two directly on the pasta. Stir it around like you would scramble it normally. Cook it until the egg is as runny or dry as you like.

I like to top it with parmesan, but I suppose pepper would be acceptable too.

Paula Dean's Broken Heart

All this talk about fat and no body is doing a damn thing about it. Grease, oil, fat, cream, sugar, lard, butter. Butter? Why even use it? I mean, it tastes good, I guess. But it isn't necessary. I think if you are using butter, at least using a lot of it, it means whatever you cooked's flavor needs to be masked by butter. Or you cooked it without flavor entirely. People are lazy if you haven't noticed. And no offense Paula Dean, but butter is completely unnecessary as a flavor, a cooking tool sure, it will brown and crisp your bread faster but not much more. I think I'm making my point here.

Alternatives are a smart man's gold. Gold that won't make you fat. When baking (especially cookies), apple sauce, zucchini and avocados are all great butter substitutes. I personally have the most experience with avocados. They are the most delicious pre-baking. Before attempting a cookie recipe, please research the ratio of your substitute. Avocado is 1:1, or you replace the butter with the same amount of avocado (1 cup of butter=1 cup avocado). Do everything else as normal.

Butter makes cookies flatten and spread out when baking, then crumble afterwards, but avocados have a different texture, they will bake fluffy and exactly how you put them on the baking sheet. Also, the cookies will be a more cookie/cake like texture. They are softer and don't crumble.

The avocado flavor bakes out for all you scaredy cats, but the cookies will be tinted green.

(I wish I hadn't forgotten to take a cleaner picture- there was a sticking to the baking sheet problem.)

Vermicelli Vita

The rocks of salt dance in the water as the water heats and begins to boil. The trapped bubbles of air rush to the surface and burst. The water was angry. A splash of olive oil hits the water and quickly disburses rabidly moving but not sure where to go. Dry vermicelli noodles wade in the water until they become so limp they can sit no longer. The vermicelli breathe in the water and breathe out the water becoming completely absorbed by it. Drain and replace.

The delicate swirls of pasta glisten in the copper pot as the olive oil is delicately poured over the top. Not so much that the pasta becomes wet, but enough to allow them to freely slide when moved. Roughly two table spoons of water swim around the oil and wait to be absorbed by the large spoonful of pesto. The serving fork briskly tosses the noodles onto themselves repeatedly to make sure once eaten that every bite will be as good as the last.

The pasta is tipped out from the pot and onto a large white bowl. The bowl doesn't expect to be so full as two fluffy and warm Hawaiian rolls join the arrangement. Parmesan cheese snows atop the course and bliss settles in the air.

Gourmet Dining for $1.55

Impress yourself. Not because you are worth it, whatever that means. Not because you were on your feet at work for nine hours today. And definitely not because you want to impress anybody else. Tricking other people is cruel. Tricking yourself is clever.

People are funny that way. Facing reality and all. People think that because they can't afford something they can't have it. I'm not saying to go out and steal Air Jordans, but there are ways around it. Fake it until you make it. You like Coach? Shop at Ross. You like gourmet food? Buy low sell high.

Impress yourself. You would be surprised at how gullible you are. A simple Totino's Party Pizza, a few slices of fresh, plump tomato, a fresh basil leaf and a drizzle of olive oil are all you need for a night of fine dining on your familiar lumpy living room couch. And an oven, you need an oven too. And you need about 15 min. prep time. But that isn't asking a lot.

People are funny that way. Laying out tomato slices, putting basil on them like you know what you are doing, and pouring olive oil over the whole pie more delicately than you would shower a baby because the good stuff is expensive. College is expensive. Trick yourself and thank me.

A Fist Full

To expand an empire, one must first expand the waistline of a nation. The balls of global fashion are being held to a knife. Italy has that knife. If you don't take what you want by force, you won't get what you want. Italy, the self-proclaimed fashion king, is as old world as sabotage and manipulation in reference to maintaining power.

As the rest of the world gets bigger, Italy stays the same. So which came first, the pasta or the fashion? Italy exports more pasta than any other country on purpose. Why do we have the notion that Italian food is fancy? Because they told us so. Eat my food; buy my clothes. Italy grew larger people everywhere else so that when they export their clothes, we don't measure up, losing power.

Exclusivity is power. And apparently trendy. People want what they can't have. Italy 1, everyone else 0.

The time has come for us to control ourselves. Until the day when we can all wear the same belt, society will revel in unrest. Take your body back. Measuring pasta may sound as foreign as the phrase "Avere la Botte Piena e la Moglie Ubriaca," but don't give in. The more pasta you buy, the more you encourage the expedited rise of The Old Country.

Measure your pasta. If you are cooking with short-cut pasta like macaroni, spirals, pinwheels, bowties, or any of the various shapes that comfortably fit into a bowl precooked, do exactly that. One serving size should fill up just more than the bottom of a bowl. Remember, pasta rises.

Measure your pasta. If you are cooking with long noodles you are not in trouble. And don't pour it into a bowl. Take say, the spaghetti and grip it between your pointer finger and your thumb. That might not make sense. Let me start over. Make the A-Okay/asshole sign with your hand. The pad of your thumb should be on the fingernail of your first finger. That is the size, or smaller, of a proper portion.

Measure your pasta and pray that Italy doesn't put visible, and accurate tape measures on the outsides of fitted dresses.

Homemade Coke BBQ Sauce on Meat Discs

Homemade Coke BBQ Sauce: Tangy and sweet this BBQ sauce's flavor is anything but discrete.

1 cup Coke

1/2 cup Heinz Ketchup

• Combine Coke and ketchup in a large container. Stir until uniform texture.
• Pour into sauce pan, cover, and heat on medium for 10 minutes. Bring to boil for 3 minutes then remove from heat.
• Pour into tupperware, place in the fridge and you are done!

The BBQ sauce is ridiculously easy to make despite being a whopping three steps long. Basically, mix, heat, chill.

Meat Discs are essentially flattened meatballs, or balls of meat, depending on where you are from. Before you cook the discs, add salt and pepper for flavoring. Shape meat into spheres and place in a hot frying pan greased in olive oil. Cover balls with Coke BBQ sauce, heat on med-high and place lid on pan. Occasionally spoon sauce from bottom of pan onto the balls. After roughly 5 minutes, flip balls. The balls of meat should begin to morph on their own into discs. Cover discs with more sauce and continue to spoon the excess sauce on top of the discs. After 5 minutes on side two, the meat discs should be fully cooked. Place discs on a fresh plate and pour left over sauce from the fridge on top and serve.

The sauce may appear to be thin, but I assure you it is delicious, and once boiled and placed in the fridge, it will begin to thicken (a little). Taste it before you waste it.

Syrup-Free Inspiration

Fresh French Toast: Stacked, lightly battered french toast delicately covered with fresh fruit (seasonal) under drizzled local honey.

This morning, while thinking about the few groceries I own, I was inspired by The American Farm for an upcoming meal. At a farm, staple ingredients like eggs and bread are always on hand. My apartment also consistently stores simple ingredients. For those of you who don't know me very well, I love honey, and I have tried it on every food that I eat regularly. I also prefer not to eat high-fructose corn syrup when I can avoid it, which generally means expensive maple syrup, or none at all. This meal will have none at all.

Buttered bread, dipped in whipped egg (a little milk added to the mix), fried makes great french toast. I will be mincing (if I can) strawberries (Kroger-willing. I am not sure if it is in season, so blueberries or blackberries will be my backup), and mixing the fruit with the same fruit chopped, possibly adding sugar to the fruit topping. The fruit topping will go directly on top of the french toast and then it will be beautifully covered in honey. Powdered sugar will also be added, if I happen to find some in the house.

The dish will be paired with a fine 1% milk.

(Easily altered, the strawberries are on the side and the toast is topped with powdered sugar waiting for syrup, for my roomie.)

Show-tunes, steak and potatoes

The Napkin Steak: A steak will make you drool as soon as it is in smelling range. Sauteed in olive oil and minimal spices to bring out the flavor of the grass-fed beef. Paired with hearty chopped potatoes sprinkled with rosemary and olive oil. Served with an extra napkin.

*I waited a few days to be courteous to my Glee loving friends, but if you haven't seen Tuesday's episode by now, then you are not a true Gleek, and I have no sympathy for spoilers.

Tuesday I had the perfect meal to accompany an emotional episode of Glee. During this week's Glee, Kurt's father had a heart attack and there were lots of red, teary eyes, heated discussions and unbalance. Good things did happen to: that lady took Kurt's hand at church, Finn got to touch the side of Rachel's boob because be grilled

a cheesus, and they won a couple of football games.

But I'm sure there are many people like me who would prefer not to shed a happy or sad tear while watching TV, so I have come up with a solution. Steak and potatoes.

Steak and potatoes will bring out the man in anyone. For the potatoes, I added some fresh rosemary and olive oil. And for the steak, I added mushrooms, salt, pepper, and olive oil. I'm not going to tell you how to cook it because it is as

easy as making a sandwich, or dunking cookies in milk.

A Vegetarian Sunset

Imagine you are sauntering through a wheat field just before sunset. You are wearing a thin tee-shirt to feel the breeze and denim pants so the grass and bugs don't itch. It is cool outside, but not chilly. The sky is cluttered with purples and pinks and oranges. Imagine seeing a monarch butterfly, no scratch that, two bright blue and yellow butterflies float just out of reach. You walk a little farther and feel the gentle sting from your stomach telling you it is time to eat. A plate magically appears out of no where on top of a pedestal that you probably forgot to imagine in your left. The rule about magically appearing plates is you always eat the food on it if there is any. And there is. Three fluffy, beautiful Hawaiian rolls sit atop the plate each split in half. The inside top of each roll has humus spread evenly on it, and the bottoms are complete with smooth cream cheese. Between the two complementary spreads lay a single slice of cucumber and a slice of juicy red tomato.

Birds of Patent Leather Flock Together

Have you ever thought about which animal we take after the most? Would you have said birds?

I'm not entirely sure which breed specifically, but somewhere between a parakeet and bird of paradise. Women put artificial coloring on their faces, many birds have distinct patterns of color. Men put gel in their hair to keep it in position, often times giving it more volume or lift off of their heads, male birds puff out their feathers to appear bigger and more attractive to a potential mate. Women buy shirts with ruffles down the front, resembling a singing bird. Men typically do the courting dance, whether it be a bad pick up line, or opening a door, it is something to impress the female bird, I mean lady. British guys call ladies, birds. Men and women may whistle at the other sex when they find them attractive, rude or not. Women bat their lashes, and female birds may bat their wings.

I'm sure there are many other comparisons, but I don't know enough about the mating activities of birds.

Not Your Campbell's Tomato Soup

For lunch today, I made something I like to call Cheesy Soupy Pasta. I literally just made that name up, which is why it sounds lame. Anyways, I brought tomato soup to a boil then added a few tiny pieces of basil and ditalini pasta (straight short hollow tubes) and kept it boiling for roughly 10 minutes. Bla bla bla, then put mozzarella and Goldfish crackers (the original kind, I'm not a monster) on top; masterpiece. As a testament to how good my cheesy soupy pasta was, I will not be speaking for the next few days as I burned most of my tongue because I couldn't wait to take my second, or third, or fourth bite.

Oh yeah, and I rarely use recipes, so bare with me. And one time I invented Pesto Mac and Cheese, or at least I thought I did unless somebody saw my grocery list and spammed it all over online recipe books.

I realize this entry is really boring, but I don't give a care.

Day One. One day,

Blogs: See last night's macaroni.

It isn't that blogs aren't hot and irresistible, because they are, at first. But after a few entries, or 'posts', your blog becomes a bit stale and less tempting. Then you start to remember all the other things in life you should be doing. For instance, tonight I would like to workout, you know, like, for my health, as opposed to getting carpal tunnel syndrome at an early age. But here goes nothing (aka: at least my fourth blog in eight years).

Oh, also as a fair warning, I may talk about food. A lot. And not just any food, the kind of food that will make your mouth drool uncontrollably thus either publicly embarrassing yourself (I'd prefer you not read my blog alone, and especially not in the dark alone), short circuiting your computer (Apple does not fix water-damaged things), or both. I urge you, please, do not read on am empty stomach for your own sake. And, if you see a strange food combination I will inevitably mention, get a pen and a pad of paper, write a shopping list, and thank me later.

(and i know how to spell grammar, btw)